The best advice I can give on quitting drinking is to continually remind yourself of this:
The blessing is outside your comfort zone.
Quitting drinking is going to be uncomfortable. A lot. And it was important to remind myself that the blessing/growth/freedom only happens when I’m feeling challenged. I first heard that quote in an episode of OnBeing a number of years ago and it’s been a powerful motivator ever since, and not just in quitting drinking.
But it wasn’t the only tactic I used. Below is a collection of techniques/tips/tactics that I have used throughout the process of quitting. There are many others out there, but these are the ones that helped me. I’ve broken them into two sections:
Part 1: Thinking Ahead - These tools are ones you’ll want to start planning and thinking about before you quit, because you’re going to need them either for the overall success or for moments of Impulsive Defense
Part 2: Impulsive Defense - These strategies are ones you’ll want to use in moments of cravings, doubt, and weakness
Thinking Ahead
The following strategies are the groundwork to be laid before you start on the journey of quitting.
Create a list of people you admire (or at least enjoy their story) who don’t drink - these can be people you know personally or celebrities, it doesn’t matter. Read about or interview these people yourself, and keep their stories handy for Part 2. Here’s a picture of a Trello card I kept handy (with personal acquaintances blurred out)
Find blogs, subreddits, and books about people getting sober (you’re already ahead of the game since you found this one). Bookmark these or keep them handy for Part 2.
I liked reading the blog Exploring Sobriety (shame it’s on Medium)
I also liked the books by Annie Grace, which I’ve mentioned in a couple posts now
Get a buddy. Quitting with your roommate, spouse, or a friend gives you accountability, motivation, and if the person lives under the same roof as you, another person to share the struggle with.
Get the alcohol out of the house. Period. James Clear, in this HBR IdeaCast, talks about redesigning your environment to add friction - make it harder for yourself to access alcohol.
That whole podcast is worth a listen, but if you can’t listen, there is a “Transcript” tab where you can read the interview with Clear
Create a list of things you want to do. You’re going to have a lot more free time, and the time you used to fill with drinking might seem boring to you. Realize that your brain is readjusting dopamine levels and you will need to shift your focus. Things I did were to take a walk, I started bouldering at a climbing gym, I started writing more, I learned about different technologies, I read books, etc…
What to tell your drinking friends - think this through before you go out to a happy hour or situation where your comrades may ask why you aren’t drinking.
One idea is to tell the truth - that you’re trying to quit. The problem here I found is that it may start a conversation you don’t feel like having. The other problem, if you’re like me, is that you’ve tried this before and felt foolish after relapsing into drinking again.
For my first few weeks, I told people “I’m just doing a 30 day challenge, but I’ll be back soon.” That usually didn’t generate much more inquiry, but if it did, I would just say I’m experimenting to see how it affects anxiety.
After the first few weeks and into the first few months, I started telling people I was doing a one year challenge, but that I’d be back soon. I always felt like telling people “I’ll be back to drinking” let it feel non-threatening to them. And besides, if I did relapse, then it was low stakes.
Be prepared to say no - there will be situations where you know your sobriety will be threatened, whether it’s with certain people or at certain places. Don’t be afraid to decline the offer and break that pattern early, and if you anticipate this you can counter with a “Hey wanna get coffee tomorrow instead?”
Remind yourself to be gentle with yourself - this is not an easy task, and you’re going to face withdrawal, mood swings, sleep changes, and more. Keep reminding yourself that you’re in recovery and that it’s part of the process (and that outside the comfort zone is where the blessing is!)
Impulsive Defense
The follow strategies are used in the moments you feel weak and feel the craving hit.
Swap your alcohol craving - get sparkling water, NA beers (I’m not a paid advertiser [yet] but I like Athletic Brewing beers), sodas… whatever you can do to supplant the motion of lifting a glass and saying “ahhhhhh”
Read - remember those people, blogs, and books from steps 1 & 2 in Part 1? Use them in this moment of weakness to remind yourself of other who’ve overcome exactly where you are.
DO THINGS - remember that list of things to do that you made? Start doing them! If there is a time of day you usually drink, try to replace it with one of these activities. Drink in the evening? Go for a run or a walk now.
Just observe the feeling - this one is really powerful, and another one I heard on an HBR IdeaCast, where Nir Eyal talks about a technique from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (which I’ll write about in a future post and has been studied in this link and this link)
The technique Eyal espouses is to observe the feeling, capture the preceding emotion before that craving, and just write it down. Next explore it with curiosity instead of contempt.
Journal - write it down. Write it all down. Every thought, every emotion, the anger, the craving, get it all out. I found writing helped a lot.
Visualize yourself tomorrow - I used this one a ton. When I woke the day after not drinking, I always felt better and a little more proud of myself. And what’s really powerful is that you can visualize that feeling now to help overcome this temporary pang.
Tell yourself you can drink later - I would often tell myself that I would revisit drinking later (much later in life) and that I’m just taking a break for now to get there. This way of bargaining with myself was surprisingly effective.
Deja vu - In Viktor Frankl’s book Man’s Search For Meaning, he outlines a strategy for removing yourself from the immediacy of your impulses: “Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now!”
Treat yo’self! After quitting drinking, I found my sweet tooth, which was likely just being hidden by the alcohol sugars I was consuming. Even while indulging on sweets I still lost weight, and I definitely rationalized that eating sweets was better for me than drinking alcohol (this isn’t 100% accurate, and you should be aware of the effects of sugar on the liver, non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, and addiction substitution). Also drink lots of water, take vitamins, and GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!
Conclusion
Those are most (all?) of the tools and techniques I used. I’ve had a couple people reach out to me since I started writing these posts about the wonderful impact of Alcoholic’s Anonymous in their lives, so even though I didn’t utilize it, I don’t want to people to overlook that resource.
In the end, it’s important to remember that this is about your identity, not the outcome. This impacts the trajectory of the rest of your life - you’re playing the long game.
And remember, failure is an option and don’t get down on yourself for a relapse. Just observe the conditions that caused it, and use them to reframe your next approach… hey, Everest wasn’t climbed on first pass either.
I’m not a doctor and none of this is medical advice. If you are struggling with substance abuse, reach out to the SAMHSA helpline.